Explaining Why Angry Birds Is THE Summer Movie of 2016

Angry Birds is THE surprise movie of the summer. I swear it to you. No other movie will knock it down like this one.
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Explaining Why Angry Birds Is THE Summer Movie of 2016

Daggon I love that title. Everything about that title makes me giggle with freaking glee. Let’s go meta for a second and deconstruct the brilliance of this post title, shall we? I mean, what else would you prefer to talk about? The movie Angry Birds??! I thought not.

“Explain” – if I utilize the word explain in a post title (anywhere, used in any possible way) the post will be read a full factorial more than if I don’t. Fun THinc. fact.

“Angry Birds” – this is a movie, based on a stupidly addictive 99¢ slingshot game. Granted, a wildly and unearthly popular slingshot game. But a slingshot game all the same.

“Movie of the Summer” – is a search term that will decimate lesser sites single handedly. Literally, the ability to utilize the meta-data term “movie of the summer” requires unique licensing and permitting processes in 47 states, and it is illegal in 3 states outright. Summer movies are required by law to include one of the following words in their title, or they must slink back to the fall movie programming which is the bastion of Oscar hopefuls and the only time of year that Oscar Voters are even allowed into movie theaters… I was saying something, oh yes, they must include, “Mutant”, “Civil War”, “Resurgence”, “Apocalypse”, “Suicide”, “Nemo” or “Weiner”. Second thought, check the last couple there. Not sure how either of those got in there.

Angry Birds” + “Movie of the Summer” + “Explain” = obvious gold. It’s such obvious goodness that my having to explain it to you sort of takes away the goldness of it. But alas, and alack, I will continue explaining it regardless – because I don’t trust you, the reader to get every facet, nook or cranny of the brilliance herein. And really, this blog is nothing, if not a mirror pointing out my own brilliance. (That really made me laugh out loud. Seeing as though you guys take it upon yourself to share with me REGULARLY how completely unintelligent I am!) But, seeing as though this title has the word EXPLAIN in it, I will continue to deconstruct this one for you (see, it’s something of a self fulfilling prophecy) Angry Birds is an animated movie about an asinine group of stupid, flightless birds.

I literally walked into the theater planning a 90 minute much needed nap. Dark. Cool. Über comfortable reclining seats? Sleep was a foregone conclusion. But not only did I not sleep a wink, I didn’t even blink… and I even found myself waking up my sleeping wife telling her just what she was missing.

Not only that, Angry Birds knocked “Captain America: Civil War” out of the number one slot. ANGRY BIRDS IS A CAPTAIN AMERICA KILLER! Woot! Never mind the fact that Civil War has been in theaters for 6 weeks straight. I don’t worry myself with facts. They just seriously mess with my larger point… which is that Angry Birds is OBVIOUSLY a better movie than Civil War. Duh. Why else did more people go?

Seriously though – and I’m actually begin serious this time – Angry Birds had me laughing from beginning to end. Some comedies work so hard to tie up their loose ends that they forget to bring the laughs along for the ride. Not so with Angry Birds. Sure, they had to figure out how to save the eggs from those awful pigs (whoops, did I just ruin the plot for you!? hahaha) but the glorious writers of Angry Birds didn’t let a little thing like plot slow them down. The laughs just kept dropping.

What I like best about my just unfettered joy thinking about this movie, is just how widely it was hated by critics who wrote comments like this deriding the movie:

“There’s not enough here for a full length feature film – something that becomes obvious the longer the movie is on the screen.”

Or, better yet, this one…

“When all is said and done, “Angry Birds” probably should have just been left in your pocket.”

And you know what, I love that it is panned. Why like a movie that everyone else is loving? If you want to do that, go write a fan piece about Harry Potter or about Independence Day 21. I turned to my kids and said, “You guys, I think I like that movie even better than you did!” Their response? “Well ya, I think you were the only one in there that got all the jokes.”

But when you take the writer of the Simpsons Movie and couple him up with angry birds in anger management classes on an otherwise happy aviary island… you get instant and constant laughs all the way through.

Red: “You can’t eat eggs!”
Monty Pig: “What are you going to do? I’m a foodie.”

But I adore slapstick. Makes zero sense. I get it, being such a mental headcase for thinking man’s movies. In The Whole Nine Yards, Matthew Perry, as the idiot caught in the middle of a bunch of professional assassins? Howled with laughter. There was a scene when Oz basically assaults a lampshade that is comedic genius. But then I realized that Jon Vitti was the writer of the script and it all became perfectly clear. To be clear, Vitti has written for King of the Hill, The Simpsons, and the Office to name a few. And if that is a few too few for you (oh that was good good writing right there Vitti… if you ever, EVER end up vanity searching for yourself and stumble upon this humble abode, you know now what you need to do. That’s right… I will be your coffee fetcher. This is fate.) then let’s add Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakuel to the list. Eh?! Eh?! Seriously though The Office? The Simpsons? That is pedigree right there my friends. These angry birds were destined to be putty in his hands.

But Vetti has the very comedic best stereotypes to work with here. Angry characters that are surrounded by a perpetually (and tragically) optimistic community… and characters that have vital information for their survival… and now no one is listening to them. Reminds me of Matthew Perry as Oz in The Whole Nine Yards. That is probably the best movie to determine whether or not you will like this one. Lots of slapstick and exceedingly clever word play.

Wait. Did I just write one thousand words about a movie entitled Angry Birds? HAHAHA I totally did. If you go and watch this movie and hate it, I will laugh like a giddy school girl. I want to hear about just how much you hated it. Please, please come and tell me just how much. But please know that nothing you say will disuade me from adoring this movie with all of my being. Because hell… this is the movie of the summer, and not only that, I just spent (1158, 1159, 1160) words EXPLAINING this to you. And really? You should just go see it, so that we can keep titles like Mutant ARMAGEDDON, Apocalypse Teenager Civil War, or Y-Men Civil Union, from winning the day.

And that is why, Angry Birds, should be the best summer movie for the year. That is awesome. I can’t believe I just threw a shoutout at Angry Birds. I’ve now officially seen it all.