Why Slitherio Is So Addictive And We Need To All Become Farmers

Apparently Slither.io is the great new viral game that everybody is playing and no one can stop playing? I had never heard of it before. So I gave it a shot… not having a single clue about what it was that I was trying to do, this is what happened…

When I first started, I don’t think I understood how to die, or grow, or really do anything. Within 30 seconds I think I understood that I needed the light dots for food. And that caused my worm to grow. Got it! Then I didn’t really get how to die. And didn’t until I did die. I sort of knew that I shouldn’t run into other worms. But I didn’t get that I could cut off other worms and kill them, and then eat their light. But once I died I think I understood that.

And then, I realized there were tactics, and strategy. That a really little worm could take out a huge worm. That small worms staying close to big worms would mean huge food sources soon enough.

But the most significant thing I learned, slowly at first, was that this game is a massive multiplayer online game. Normally when you think about massive multiplayer games you think World of Warcraft type of games. Usually they are more RPG’ish whether in space, or in the middle ages, or what have you. Normally you don’t think twitch shooter when you think Massive Multiplier Online Games. So Slitherio basically brings the idea of Massive Multiplayers to the masses. Which, continues to be the future of online gaming.

At first, I thought the game was stupid. And then my little worm wandered into an area filled with larger and larger and larger worms. And I saw a feeding frenzy for my first time. That was when I realized that the MMO part of the game makes it legit. Worms surrounding other worms. Some players totally slashing other player’s throats. It is a literal bottom feeder of a game. Like, I now get what it’s like to live at the bottom of the ocean. Totally makes sense to me what it’s like to attack others only to be attacked by someone just a bit bigger up the food chain a moment later.

Then, 5 minutes later I realized, this is a webpage game, it’d be the easiest thing in the world to hack this game and turn on God Mode, or whatever. A quick search, and sure enough. Someone already had. And then I was over the game. Just like that.

And that is why, we all need to physically unplugged our houses from the power grids. We need to stop living the modern life. We need to all move backwards in time to an agrarian society. We all need to collectively decide that this modernity experiment has gone, way, way, wayyy too far. And that it would be better for everyone as a collective whole if we would just move backwards in time and technology. Pick up a spade, and start farming again. We should all grow our own crops. We should all weed our own fields. We all should give up our free time to the land so that this interwebs world of insanity would just stop.

It really does just need to stop.

Feel free to unplug… now.

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