Look. I’m not a movie review site. I avoid like the plague talking about movies that suck here on THiNC. But occasionally, really rarely, I’ll give a shout out in order to warn you guys about a particularly bad movie. But today, I’m standing in the middle of the interstate, with a megaphone, dodging on coming traffic, yelling at the top of my lungs, in order to at least save one person from watching Jessica Chastain’s movie Ava. So yeah, here’s my free advice – skip the movie Ava.
OK, before you start chucking rocks at my head… I’m a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE Jessica Chastain fan. (I mean, Miss Sloane? Are you kidding me? Possibly the only movie that does dialog better than Aaron Sorkin. It was literally brilliant. It hovered it was so good. And what about Lawless? Damn, Tom Hardy and Jessica (see? First name basis right there… cough) together? She needs to join him in an episode or two of Taboo!) Molly’s GAME?!? I literally have ten favorite Chastain films. She really is the strongest, and most versatile female actor out there. So it killed me to disdain this movie. Not dislike, disdain. And Colin Farrell? Gah. He basically keeps this website running with the number of people coming to this site to figure out what the hell happened in his movies The Killing of a Sacred Deer, and The Lobster. I’d literally give appendages to talk to either of them about their movies.
So yeah – Ava. It really is all the worst spy thriller tropes rolled into one. It’s like the screenplay writer (who also wrote Queen of the Damned, uh, why didn’t I see this one coming?) took a pile of B Level spy movies, dropped them into a blender, and poured the contents out onto the floor. He then lost that script halfway through filming, only to decide to do the blender thing all over again from scratch. Unbelievable. Yes, I stole that whole paragraph from this right here:
But I literally turned the movie off after a solid 45 minutes. The action sequences were meh. The plot convoluted and muddled. The characters were horrible. (She’s just a loner, and antisocial, that’s why she kills everyone? Why did you even try to explain it? Just pull a Nolan/Joker explanation, and leave it opaque. Just don’t do what you did.) The scene where she kills 12 guys in bare feet, then rips a part of her dress to become a hijab, and goes incognito? SHE’S THE ONLY ONE IN A FLAMING RED DRESS IN THE ENTIRE CITY!!! THIS SHOULD NOT BE A THING. A HIJAB WOULDN’T HELP!!!! GAH.
Sometimes movies get committeed to death. Fair. Too many hands in the kitchen. I don’t hold that against Jessica (but the screenwriter? Uh, yeah. Stand your ground buddy). Or the movie production company (which, I won’t even name.) Sure, everybody gets a mulligan. But I do owe you guys a flare… a warning… please just avoid this movie like the plague. Look at these critic reviews – now, granted, I normally enjoy going against popular opinion – so this isn’t really fair. But wow are these bad.
And to those of you who don’t care about your movie watching habits that are now going to troll the comments below, fire away. Whatever. Just because you don’t care – and you are bored out of your mind, doesn’t mean this movie is good. I have a billion movie recommendations made by infinitely more talented Indie Film creators that you should check out before you watch this movie. Heck, I just did a 33 movie list recommendation post for Lisa, a gal who loves her surprises. So you’d like to be shocked by a plot line that causes you to head to the chiropractor’s the next day? Check her list out.
I know for a fact that Jessica will come back with 10 more brilliant movies. Her taste is normally impeccable. Her acting choices perfect. But this one? No, thank you – not so much. And I honestly would tell that to her face… even minus the appendages.
Edited by: CY
