Damsel HAS to SWEEP the Razzies for 2024. To say that I hated Damsel is the understatement of the year. I didn’t hate it, I loathed it. How do I hate thee, Damsel?? Oh, puh-lease, let me count the ways.
The CGI was CGI’d
Come on, this CGI was just horrible. It’s as if someone came in, CG’d everything then bondoed the CG and did it again. Worse, it didn’t even make sense. I actually feel badly for the cast who were expected to emote at a green screen in the hopes of the special effects department not making you look stupid. And there was plenty of stupidity going around.
Millie Bobby Brown fell hundreds of feet, and still survived – like three different times. (Maybe I’m sensitive to this one because I fell 20 feet and had 2 surgeries as a result.) But BRANCHES BROKE HER FALL! Yeah, okay.
But here’s a smidge of advice – If you don’t have the budget for big effects, make your movie smaller. Or, if the team isn’t experienced enough to pull off a movie this reliant on your talents, talk them out of it. Figure out a way to be more creative with your screenplay.
The Screenplay was Awful
The story actually had a brilliant idea behind it. Instead of a movie with a valiant prince saving a princess – we watch as the sacrifice saves herself. I actually am all for that. Seems clever enough – straight out of the Elsa playbook. However, I don’t know about you, but the story was as obvious as they come. You saw that the marriage was actually a sacrificial proposal… DIDN’T YOU? I guess the main reason I hated the screenplay was because it actually had a clever turn going for it, and then it spoiled it. Gone. Done. For no reason at all.
The Acting Was Bad on a Good Day
Millie Bobby Brown was fine. And I know I’m going to take a LOT of crap for dumping on this movie. Whatever. But outside of Millie – awful. Even Robin Wright (who actually has done movies other than The Princess Bride believe it or not), who was awesome in Blade Runner 2049, lacked any sort of nuance at all. Zero. Yes, we all know you are evil, and you want to sacrifice Millie. We get it. But you could at least ACT like you are acting like you aren’t just out for blood. I don’t know. Worse, Millie Bobby Brown deserved better. She’s fantastic! And she should have gotten the support she needed and deserved… but no.
Man, I hated this movie.
Have you guys even seen the original Dragonslayer movie? You know, the first real big Dragon movie? The first ILM movie that ILM outsourced their skills to? The brilliantly clever script with the woman – cross-dressing as a man to avoid getting placed in the damsel-lottery? But, oh, SHE SAVES HERSELF and her hero by crafting a dragon-scale shield for him? THAT Damsel movie? Remember that one? No, no you don’t, because it lost tons of money at the box, and worse? That was like 40 years ago when that came out. So, do yourselves a favor, and go watch a real damsel dragon killing movie in Dragonslayer. Heck, you can watch it right now on Tubi with a couple of ads. Trust me, it’s time much better spent than spending it watching Damsel, that’s for sure.
Edited by: CY